How to survive a sociopath

Over the last few years I was living a secret underground life while planning my escape from a sociopath (psychopath, narcissist, con-man – same shit, different label). We were both part of the Church of Scientology, though I had not been an active member there since some years. I knew I had to escape both – the abusive relationship and the cult – to live a life without mind-control and fear.

Late nights I entered different forums on the Internet talking to other victims of sociopaths while my sociopath was sleeping. I got lots of helpful advice, love and understanding.


DO NOT GET FOOLED BY THEIR INITIAL CHARM
Today I revisited one of those forums where a friend of mine just posted a link to an article The Gray Rock method of dealing with psychopaths, here’s an excerpt:

When dealing with malignant narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, borderlines, drama queens, stalkers and other emotional vampires, it’s commonly advised that no response is the best response to unwanted attention. This is often true and No Contact (the avoidance of all communication) should be used whenever possible.

Furthermore, many of us have tried to end a relationship with a psychopath several times, only to take them back, each time. They turned on the pity ploy and the charm, and because we didn’t understand that this is what a psychopath does, we fell for their promises to change. They know all of our emotional hooks. For them, it’s easy and fun to lure us back by appealing to our emotions. But a psychopath can’t change. In fact, when you leave a psychopath, he becomes determined to punish you even more severely for thinking you could be autonomous.

A psychopath is an addict. He is addicted to power. His power is acquired by gaining access to our emotions. He is keenly aware of this and needs to constantly test to make sure we are still under his control.

Your emotional responses are his food of choice, but they aren’t the only things he wants.

He envies everything pretty, shiny and sparkly that you have and he wants whatever you value. You must hide anything that he will notice and envy.

The reason he wants to take these things from you, is not necessarily because he wants them for himself, it’s because he wants to see the emotions on your face when you lose them. He wants the power trip associated with being the one who took them from you.

(*Featured top photo: Patrick Bateman from the film American Psycho)


WARNING: YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING
I lost so much during that relationship it’s hard to count. I was promised all the time he would help me out while I was living in complete apathy. Not financially, but help me with things like making phone calls that I had a hard time to confront, help me open letters and so on. Sometimes I wished he could just sit next to me while I opened a letter. I didn’t ask for much. Of course none happened. He and the church combined broke me down to a level where I couldn’t open my mail for four years! I trusted him. And he betrayed me utterly. I had money in my bank account to cover my bills but I was so beaten down I couldn’t even open my online banking to pay them. One big mess.

THE COST OF BEING CONNECTED TO A SOCIOPATH WAS BRUTAL!
I lost two apartments, my car, all my musical instruments, my trumpet, my clarinet, my classical guitar, my precious cornet I got for my 10 years birthday, my violin, my camera, my camera equipment, my projector, etc. Any value I had was taken away. And I had no clue it happened. Taking away the tools of an artist and you kill the artist. All the while he pretended to be sorry.

Even my E-meter (a very expensive Scientology counselling tool) was taken away from me and was sold for nothing at an auction as a “lie detector”. Funny now that I look back.

These are just physical things anyway and can be replaced. But some items have huge sentimental value to me and I have cried my share of tears for the losses.

Especially the loss of my Yamaha Cornet. I was so proud when my father gave it to me. My first own instrument. He played the trumpet as well when he was a kid. And I planned to give this Cornet to my future kids. I had it for 25 years, now it’s gone. Sold at an auction for nothing. My father died of cancer last year, this was a precious gift and memory of him. I would do much to get it back.

 

STAY CLEAR OF SOCIOPATHS AND CULTS
My sociopath often joked about how he had drowned his ex-girlfriends in the pond outside his house and buried them in his basement. Only a sick person is making such “jokes”.

More on his craziness in this article: A deadly cocktail: Scientologi, Psykopati og Ekstremisme. (It’s written in Norwegian, use Google Translate.) The fact that the Church of Scientology is protecting monsters like that again proves they are nothing but a cult.

I was solvent and successful with a promising education and career but I left with nothing but huge debts and a broken soul.

SHARE THIS KNOWLEDGE
I pray and hope people will educate themselves and avoid getting abused and deceived by emotional vampires and manipulative cults. Please share this article if you know anyone who this information might be of help. Knowledge is the first step out.

Here are some educational videos. Visit the website of Donna Andersen, LoveFraud.com, for further resources:

One of the most important warning signs that you may be involved with a sociopath: They always blames other people for their problems.

Most people assume that a sociopath is a serial killer, a murderer, or at least violent. After all, that’s what we hear on television – on crime shows, reality shows and even news programs. The truth: Not all sociopaths are violent, and most of them never kill anyone.

But they kill your soul.

64 thoughts on “How to survive a sociopath

  1. My wife and I met under difficult circumstances, working for the same sociopathic employer. I’m sure you and thousands of other Exes and Indies have gone through much, much worse. We survived with our sanity and marriage intact (which is more than so many) and came out all the stronger. The only great loss was my son’s disconnection from me, as he is still ‘in’. Only 2 out of 300 or so friends at the local org had the guts to contact us when they heard we had been declared SPs (over refusing to disconnect from a friend who we know is most definitely NOT AN SP). In a nutshell, my wife wrote KRs (on the proper channels) regarding labor code, financial, and licensing violations by her former employer, an influential Scientologist business owner licensed by Applied Scholastics. In retaliation, that business owner ran a successful Black PR campaign against my wife that dragged out over 8 years and involved her staff, HCO personnel at two local orgs, the Freewinds, Flag, our FSM, and the local DSA. It included dozens of hidden false reports against my wife, plus about a dozen hidden false reports on me for my efforts to help my wife. Twice I was knocked off post at the local mission (first as PES, then as bilingual Book One Seminar I/C and Auditor) and routed off staff to handle this situation. Every red tag I experienced as a pc during those years involved some contact with that former employer. I was warned by the CS against formally disconnecting, since they would declare me PTS to an upstat. Continuing up the Bridge, I spent about 50% of the time on my Grades flying ruds on this situation. I could see that my ED and Mission Holder wanted to help but their hands were tied, and they directed their efforts to getting me to look the other way while the abuse continued or to refuse comm from my wife on the subject. I finally was shown the contents of my Ethics File by the EO at SFOD. It looked clean and the EO even wrote a dispatch to that effect. However, soon afterward those hidden false reports surfaced in my pc folder. It was being used as a “stash” for whatever particles and dispatches the EO at SFOF didn’t want me to see. This was confirmed by the OES at the local Mission. All other complications regarding viewing critical websites or contact with ex-members are secondary and stemmed from our efforts to uncover and hopefully handle the Black PR campaign by the former employer.

  2. I didn’t know about your Cornet artistry until after you left — I wish I knew when you were here and Graham and I could have played 2nd and 3rd chairs with you for a little jam session! We both play trumpet as well, though I am sure not on par with you. We have two Bb and a C melody trumpet – enough for all! Our music is very important to us and I understand how they become sentimental mile markers in our lives. Each of my guitars is meaningful and brings back pleasant memories when I think of how they came to live with me.

    So now we’ll just redouble our efforts moving forward surrounded by loving friends and family and live happily ever after!

    • Thanks, Chris! Loved spending time with your lovely family in Phoenix. Your kids are talented. I was impressed by their musical skills. And so sweet all of you! Next time we’ll perform a concert together. Would be funny!! Invite your neighbors. :D

  3. Is there any possibility to take your cornet back? Do you know who’s the actual owner to try to contact him? Maybe in the future he will sell it too, who knows…The big problem with psychopaths is that nobody can make them to realize their condition. They live in their “normality”, all the others have to adapt their life. I’ve met one person like this, it was a real hell for his wife. She finally divorced. And exactly as you say, he was not a criminal, not a violent man at all…Only a person who live with or nearby them can understand the dimension of this sickness.

    • My sociopath was unfortunately both violent and criminal, but they usually are not, at least not on the outside. Behind closed doors they can be really mean and evil. Outside their control zone they cheat, lie and charm. They juggle with words, always having an appropriate answer. Perfect actors.

      On the inside they are just week little “boys” (or “girls”) with low self-esteem seeking control over other to replace the total lack of control of themselves.

      One day I will send out a missing item report on the Internet and try to buy back my Cornet. I have some pictures of it that shows a little dent in the silver so I would know immediately which one was mine. I have an idea I will get it back some day. ♥

      • Nooooo, not one day! As soon as possible. Even if you’ll not buy it back now, at least try to contact the owner, to know where the cornet is. At least, in the future, to be YOU the first one to be contacted for an ipothetic sell. Good luck! :) PS. That sociopath, your former relationship…was at least a Brad Pitt or something? I bet no…:)

          • I’m in 100%! Anything I can do for you just let me know. My parents divorced when I was 2 y.o. and I was raised by my mother and grandparents. Both of my grandparents died and I miss them so much. I know exactly what means a memory, a family object, Anette. I don’t have a Facebook account, I’m just on Twitter. In my opinion, make yourself a small “database”: year of loosing your cornet, the brand, colour, name of people who sold it (your ex-boyfriend), a place or event related to your cornet selling, etc.
            Any information you remember can be vital. When you gather this data and decide to start searching, just let me know. I’ll post it on twitter myself, asking for help to all my relatives and friends all over the world. (Australia included). Facebook is wonderful, but still you’ll search for a fish in the ocean. We have to be more specific. I can go here in Bucharest to the main philharmonic to ask them: “What would you do in this situation? Give me an idea”. I’m million per cent sure that people will help me with a good advice.
            Think about it. It’s not an emergency, but make it until Christmas. The sooner, the better :)
            Your cornet is somewhere, doesn’t matter where. It’s a cornet, not a CIA file :) It can be found!

          • Actually my ex didn’t sell my Cornet. The Danish Tax Office did. They legally “broke” into my apartment, took it and sold it. Because I couldn’t open my mail and pay my bills. At that time I had the money but I didn’t have the confront to open letters. And of course they want money and they do what they have to to collect any asset of value. There was a letter there warning me. But I didn’t find out before weeks after it happened because I was in total apathy at his house during that painful time.
            Creditors invaded my apartment at several occasions. I did not have a clue. When I found out, it really made it hard for me to escape because I didn’t dare to go to my apartment where people would enter any time of the day. I was so scared. I had nowhere to go. I had no family in Denmark. And all my “active” friends at that time were Scientologists.

          • I see. In this case, your Cornet has to be in Denmark. And least for the first time was sold in Denmark. Cannot imagine it was sold by Lloyd’s or Christie’s :) That means it was sold to a vintage house, an antiquities collector or a person who needs it, a musician. Anyway, when you decide to start searching it, just drop me an email :)

          • Dragos is very probably right about the location of the cornet. It will be in Denmark, and most probably in the city you lived in. It will have been bought by a musician, as these things are not a commercial item outside of the music industry. An auction house could probably help you track it down, or contacting any musical society in said city telling them the story of how it meant much to you but was lost (you don’t have to tell them the whole story). Attaching your pictures of the instrument is sure to jog the memories of anyone interested in this type of instrument. Revisiting the past is hard, I know, but doing this as soon as possible could only increase the possibility of finding it, and it will undoubtedly aid in your healing process.
            If it is hard to get going just ask Geir to do it. I bet he could do much if you gave him an hour or two on his computer :-)

          • Good point, Johnny! It doesn’t matter who’ll find the Cornet. It counts the final result. Any idea is welcomed :)

  4. Annette, so sorry to hear about the horrible experience you had to endure, however I’m so happy you are now in a good place. I wish education on Sociopath’s could be a part of public education as they honestly ruin so many lives even though they are a small percentage of society 2-4%, their ruin can be in the thousands particularly if they manage to get into heads of government/countries/corporations. Books like The Sociopath Next Door help rise awareness, but more needs to be done. Thanks for this blog, I hope many read it.

    • Thanks, sweetheart! Yes, to get educated on sociopathic behavior is vital. And the book you’re referring to is excellent. I would love to lecture at schools on this topic. People deserve to know.

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  6. I can relate a bit with you Anette. I had one of those types for a first husband, then got away from him by getting involved with another – the cult. Finally got out, as with you, I met a most wonderful and sane man. We spent the rest of his years being very happy together. I now feel so lucky or whatever words fit.

  7. I’ve read yesterday in a Romanian newspaper an interview with one of the most respected forensics in Eastern Europe.
    Professor Vladimir Belis, now 83, was asked about a ferocious serial criminal and rapist in the early ’70s, who terrorized Bucharest with his crimes. Ion Rimaru a student who in just 1 year attacked 14 women (4 of them killed in cold blood), was finally convicted to death penalty and shot in 1971, age 25.
    One answer of professor Belis is on topic, I found it interesting and I prefer my translation, it’s more accurate than Google Translate.

    http://adevarul.ro/sanatate/medicina/interviu-prof-dr-vladimir-belis-medic-legist-lucram-manusi-simti-mai-exact-organele-1_526a5f73c7b855ff567ba768/index.html

    Question: “So how exactly do you consider these kind of people to be?”

    Answer: “If you’re a reasonable man, you cannot supress an outrage feeling. You can name them psychopaths, cause their behaviour is deviant. Then, let’s say you can feel pity for them, considering them ill. Only that a psychopath is not a mentally ill, but he’s behavioral vitiated. We’re not solving them from justice penalty, because, from psychologic point of view, they are not ill. They are SOCIOPATHS, this is how we call them. I’ve had in my career a lot of horrible cases…I don’t know how sadistic one can be to do such things…I really don’t know…”

  8. Just saw, minutes ago, a very touchy movie…. It’s name is “The life before her eyes”, with Uma Thurman, inspired by the Columbine High School massacre. The final is so emotional for the viewer, not only by the movie itself, but when realizing what ferocious damages can a psychopath do.

  9. Pingback: Dødelig cocktail: Scientologi, Psykopati og Ekstremisme | Anette Iren Johansen

  10. I’ve met someone like this,and i ask myself what benefits them in hurting others in this evil way

  11. I’ve been researching for over a year…my pain is a pain I never know if I can get up and walk one day to the next….

    You….your article has touched me so tenderly….I am crying with you as I write….I am now a 28 yr old single mother of 3 little girls….my socio ex got on meth and is now in prison for 10 yrs….he brutally beat me and attempted to rob me…of what I don’t know….

    I too…an artist…my Books…My collection from my soul…all carefully selected and loved by me….pawned to the local book store for little to nothing…Fashion…my Highend Clothes I admired and loved…he gave or sold….my bank account…left dry…as he fed me dreams and gave me nightmares.

    My paints, brushes and canvas’ were of no use…but me with out a soul….I can not imagine up sweet fairy habitats….or whimsical artwork for display….my things sit and gather dust only to mock who I once was….

    I’ve lost over 100 lbs….I’ve now lost my job….and yes….finding the energy to open the bill to pay….but after a year I still search for answers. On meds…but no insurance now. :-(

    Nothing will take away this pain caused by my ex. No contact I have finally set in place. 1 week, now….seems like a month.
    I’m doing modeling again…slowly. Feel hollow…no job…no love from who I thought was my soulmate.

    He ruined everything. I don’t Believe he needed to take away my passions my innocence! I loved life! Now I wish to die! But I have to keep on.

    -Love Me
    Xoxo

    • Thank you. I appreciate your feedback very much and I’m sorry you’ve been through some similar ordeal. It will get better. Stay strong, sweetie. He’s not worth your tears and sorrow. Life deserves you. And you deserve to be happy. It’s worth the journey.

      • Thanks…I know. I’m slowly beginning to see him as a creature…not a man of my worth me…
        I received the most vile letter – I call them “bloody letters” from jail…brought me instantly to my knees….sobbing….The THREATS so horrific…to send inmates after me…And he wished me well….

        He mentioned…”When he is out he will get Control back”
        I never looked at it as a struggle for control….I’m jobless…3 girls…trying to live life…make ends meet…

        Oh, yes his “resources” from prison have stone cold proof! I’ve been “sleeping” other men…
        I barely remember to eat….

        Omg….this reaction because I refused to be emotionally tortured any longer….wow….

        I contacted the authorities right away.

        It’s humorous….sad and….Then I need to get me back…
        Focus on that….
        I wonder if I’ll always miss the “charismatic” him….2 years! Later that feeling soooo intense! I still pine for him…

        Love me,
        Xoxo

        • Omg….Reading through your comments…..the bills….So, hits home so odd to me when others can’t grasp this….

          For me…having my smart phone…just clicking the bills I’ve set up in the past…no big….
          But…it’s the ones I have to put work in to…..
          There’s one in particular…it’s late…and explaining…and pleading to take off the late fee… :-(

          I remember….my ex socio….
          In times like these…he would “be there for me” console me….Even help me gather the energy to take a shower…
          Makes it hard not to pine did him when I’m so down…

          Once I’m back on my feet…job..I think I’ll be better…

    • My x boyfriend I am convinced was a sociopath. I am now jobless. I lost all my friends and am facing two felonies . I too use to love life . I am searching for a reason why this happened to me. I can’t find one except I was too trusting and needed to love myself more. I am currently rebuilding my life and am slowly coming out of the deep depression I am in as a result of getting involved with my x. He never cared about me and in fact fed off my hope to help him. He has no remorse and only wants to wreck my life further if I let him. I hope you can rebuild your life also. I feel your pain .

  12. Hi Anette,

    I’m living in a similar situation now. I have a sociopath boyfriend, who keep cheated on me but he never admitted it. Even though I have talked to the ladies and they gave me such an evidences, he just never admitted and saying that these girls are just making all of these up just to break us apart (doesn’t make sense, I know).

    And he’s also blaming me for trusting these girls instead of trusting him.
    The sad thing is when I told him that I wanted to break up with him, he threatened me – and not only threatened me, he did it. (Like posting my private photos, etc)

    So I’m kinda locked up here and do not know what to do to dump him.

    Can you help me here since I believe you have such an experience here.

    Thanks

    • Dear Claudia, I’m sorry to say this, but that’s what a manipulative person does. He threats you to keep you. And it works.
      You need to break out of that vicious cycle. He will not change. Ever. To take back your freedom and integrity you need to face the consequences of him posting your pictures etc. This is usually just a scare tactic, so he might not do it anyway. If he does it says more about him than you. People doing such shit to humiliate others are not well seen. If you’ve got anything on him that should or could be reported to the police, contact a lawyer and get advice. Why protect criminals?
      You deserve dignity, respect and love. Something he will never give you.
      You know in your heart the right thing to do.

      • Dear Anette, I appreciate your prompt reply. I know he’s such a manipulative and sociopath person, I’ve seen all the symptoms. He never felt guilty about any of his lies and he keeps creating scenarios and keeps blaming people. It is not a scare tactic, he really did it. I blocked all of his contact including his social media account, he would then terror me on social media account by creating another one, and start posting humiliating posts about me – which I believed it will bring a bad impacts on my friends, family, and career. That’s why I keep on unblocking him again and talk to him again. To protect all of these aspects. I’m in a long distance relationship with him, I live in Asia and he lives in Canada, so it would be so hard for me to contact a police or lawyer.

        But I know, I have to get out of this sick relationship as soon as possible.

        • I got it. It is harassment. As long as you’re hanging in the relationship he will continue. Probably after too. And hopefully ut will end when you cut the last tie to him.
          You can actually file a police report across boarders. I did. I went to the police in my country and they sent the report to the police in his country. Ask a lawyer or the police. They are there to protect us.

        • There is also another solution, Claudia. Just ignore him and his offending posts. People with brain, people who knows you will always appreciate you as a positive person, doesn’t matter what your boyfriend have posted on internet. I know it’s hard, but obviously is much more better than to destroy your own nerves.

  13. Im now very certain that I am living with a Narcissist/Sociopath…with a strange twist…It is my husband. We were married for 24 years, divorced for 6, and remarried for 3. (long story) I am in an utterly miserable predicament and there seems no way out. I didn’t see it until far to late.

    I was blindsided with deception, (Im generally not this stupid) and I felt for years that it could not possible be him causing all of the trouble, so it had to be me. One day I woke up, and I was horrified. He has many, many things about him that fit a Narcissistic/Sociopathic personality, but some does not fit, and he exhibit characteristics in what I call a”twist”, that I don’t recall being mentioned anywhere.

    I am still somewhat confused however, and feel like maybe I am the crazy one sometimes. I know that I cannot tolerate the situation much longer. Is there anyone that I can talk to about this to help me get my bearings? A question that I have is: Does a Narcissist/Sociopath have a sick need for punishment a lot of the time, do what he knows will cause an argument, then sit back and “SAVOR” the forthcoming verbal tirade as if he’s taking a first hit on a crack pipe? am I making any sense? after he gets me riled up, and I begin to let him have it, He literally sits back, closes his eyes, and inhales deeply like he’s experiencing some sick pleasure.

    The more I do realize about him, the less I allow myself to get pulled into arguments that seems to “feed’ him somehow. It is just so hard to control my negative feelings towards him. after 32 years of misery, and I have little tolerance. Can someone help me? Thanks.

    • Hi Maddie,

      It is never too late to leave a sociopath. A sociopath comes in all shades of grey. And you’re not stupid. You feel confused because you live in confusing surroundings created by a possible sociopath. It sounds like it pleasures him to let you “punish” him verbally. He enjoys this, knowing that he caused it as he predicted. Sociopaths behave irrationally. Here’s a good article describing the relationship cycle with a sociopath:

      1. Idealize
      2. Devalue
      3. Discard

      Read article: http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2010/12/22/the-psychopaths-relationship-cycle-idealize-devalue-and-discard/

      http://www.lovefraud.com is also an excellent place to study case stories. The more knowledge you get the stronger you become. If your husband is not willing to change, or if he matches the characteristics of a sociopath, plan your escape wisely and leave for good. Contact your local women shelter, they should have staff that can help you personally or refer you to someone experienced in this area. Wish you luck!

  14. I posted something the other day but I cant seem to find it. I Feel for all of you. I think that I am dealing with a Narcissist/Sociopath. I am ashamed that it ha taken me so many years to figure it out.

    He truly fits a lot of the profile, but he has some strange twists. So much so that I do wonder if it isn’t I who is crazy. I could really use someone to help me figure out if I am on the right track. I have no one to talk to about it, and no one would really believe he is this way. They would be shocked if it was confirmed.

    Can any one help me out? I truly don’t know where to begin.

      • Thanks, I really appriciate it. I am a little worried. He has done an about face. He has become extremly nice, and easier going. He has done this before, but went back to his usual self within a day or so. Somehow he has managed to sustain his nicness for over a week now. I have watched him struggle hard to contain his anger and composure. That is not like him at all. I am afrraid of what he wants. He is a very strange creature.

        • I know of a person who could act nicely for weeks, then become manipulative again. The question is, can you keep up living with a person who you don’t trust? A person you don’t know will turn angry? A husband should not make you afraid. Two people in a relationship should trust each other, support each other and share love.

          • Thanks for replying. If I could leave i would. I have no place to go. My whole situation is quite complicated. The danger for me is wondering if I am still sane. Ive dealt with this for 32 years, I didnt see it for what iit was until the last few years. Now Im stuck financially. I may possibly have a way out by Feb, but that is ify. I guess the biggest issue here is being hopelessly tied financially, and after that is fixed, being able to do for myself on my own again. I have become very hopeless and unmotivated. I dont know how to fix it. Thanks.

          • You are sane. The fact that you ask that question shows that you are indeed. That feelings stems from your insane environment. I was in your shoes. Fucked up financially, no where to go. I planned for some 3 years before I finally left. My self-esteem was that low I didn’t believe I could find another job that could pay me high enough salary to handle my huge debts. I reached a point where I didn’t care if I had to live on the street as long as I could escape this trap. Most people aren’t aware of financial abuse. It’s a tool being used to control and manipulate and keep you trapped.
            After I left I stayed with my brother for some months. He supported me while I was healing my wounds. Solutions started to show up. My self-esteem returned. The road was not easy, but the life I have today is worth every effort.
            Motivation comes and goes. Living like that is a roller-coaster. Now that you are aware and have started to educate yourself, you’re halfway there. Don’t rush. Take your time. Do more of what you like to do, things that you enjoy. You’ll grow a little bit stronger every day. But towards him, act boring. Don’t show him your improvements. Let he be very surprised the day you leave.

  15. Hi Annette,
    Congratulations on your escape from the psychopath, It takes a lot of strength and a good helping of luck to survive and thrive these encounters.

    I’m glad that you liked my article on the Gray Rock Method of Dealing with Psychopaths. I would appreciate it though, if you could change your link in the article to go to the Gray Rock article on my blog. http://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

    That way I can respond to anyone who has questions or comments.

    Best,
    Skylar

  16. Very true and informative. Finally bored mine right out of my life….except for our children who he has custody of. But that’s a whole other issue

  17. Up there it says how to deal with all sorts of emotional vampires. And listed in between some real evil, borderline stands.

    Now that’s just unfair, sure I am afraid of abandonment, but I never stalk or punish people. If I am ever manipulative, I feel so guilty I throw up. Now. Guilt. Guilt is not for the real energy vampires. So just please take that borderline away from the post, no matter how old.

    The borderline alone is not the reason for that kind of evil. Some have other flaws in addition.

    Don’t mess it up for those of us who needs to be accepted, more than anyone else. I became this way because of the worlds brutality. Why does this stigma need to go on?

    I take it very personal to be equaled with a psycopath. But now that’s just so “borderline” of me.

    I do relate to your story though. And feel very sorry for your losses. It’s good to read how you managed to get out.

    • The suggested Gray Rock Method is used whenever you encounter manipulation – good, kind, bad or evil. There are no black or white. Even a sociopath can be “nice”. Kind people can manipulate too.

      • i experienced abuse early … as a result i noticed a pattern of being very proficient at attracting abusive people … battling with the guilt of having things turned on me,because all i wanted was resolution … i also find these people are very interested in blogs like yours,psychology,sociology,murder mysteries,etc because they learn strategies to counteract the defences,they also ‘win’ the propaganda cover stories to get others on their side.
        I refuse to label myself a victim though.
        But the only solution,ive found is blocking everything,including opportunity … and damn,its lonely … im fine with my own company,but when its the majority of your life … theres a sense of not growing … i feel so immature in so many ways.Acquaintances will even accuse me of ‘being weird’ because i havent ‘ticked the appropriate boxes of the life checklist’.
        Anyway .. by chance i came across your and Geir’s blog and so happy for the both of you … a reminder that others still have a chance to be a positive synergy … and plus you have got me the closest to giving up smoking,maybe i can fight without the smoke sheild … i salute you both – take care and with much fun :)

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