Over the last few years I was living a secret underground life while planning my escape from a sociopath (psychopath, narcissist, con-man – same shit, different label). We were both part of the Church of Scientology, though I had not been an active member there since some years. I knew I had to escape both – the abusive relationship and the cult – to live a life without mind-control and fear.
Late nights I entered different forums on the Internet talking to other victims of sociopaths while my sociopath was sleeping. I got lots of helpful advice, love and understanding.
DO NOT GET FOOLED BY THEIR INITIAL CHARM
Today I revisited one of those forums where a friend of mine just posted a link to an article The Gray Rock method of dealing with psychopaths, here’s an excerpt:
When dealing with malignant narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, borderlines, drama queens, stalkers and other emotional vampires, it’s commonly advised that no response is the best response to unwanted attention. This is often true and No Contact (the avoidance of all communication) should be used whenever possible.
Furthermore, many of us have tried to end a relationship with a psychopath several times, only to take them back, each time. They turned on the pity ploy and the charm, and because we didn’t understand that this is what a psychopath does, we fell for their promises to change. They know all of our emotional hooks. For them, it’s easy and fun to lure us back by appealing to our emotions. But a psychopath can’t change. In fact, when you leave a psychopath, he becomes determined to punish you even more severely for thinking you could be autonomous.
A psychopath is an addict. He is addicted to power. His power is acquired by gaining access to our emotions. He is keenly aware of this and needs to constantly test to make sure we are still under his control.
Your emotional responses are his food of choice, but they aren’t the only things he wants.
He envies everything pretty, shiny and sparkly that you have and he wants whatever you value. You must hide anything that he will notice and envy.
The reason he wants to take these things from you, is not necessarily because he wants them for himself, it’s because he wants to see the emotions on your face when you lose them. He wants the power trip associated with being the one who took them from you.
(*Featured top photo: Patrick Bateman from the film American Psycho)
WARNING: YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING
I lost so much during that relationship it’s hard to count. I was promised all the time he would help me out while I was living in complete apathy. Not financially, but help me with things like making phone calls that I had a hard time to confront, help me open letters and so on. Sometimes I wished he could just sit next to me while I opened a letter. I didn’t ask for much. Of course none happened. He and the church combined broke me down to a level where I couldn’t open my mail for four years! I trusted him. And he betrayed me utterly. I had money in my bank account to cover my bills but I was so beaten down I couldn’t even open my online banking to pay them. One big mess.
THE COST OF BEING CONNECTED TO A SOCIOPATH WAS BRUTAL!
I lost two apartments, my car, all my musical instruments, my trumpet, my clarinet, my classical guitar, my precious cornet I got for my 10 years birthday, my violin, my camera, my camera equipment, my projector, etc. Any value I had was taken away. And I had no clue it happened. Taking away the tools of an artist and you kill the artist. All the while he pretended to be sorry.
Even my E-meter (a very expensive Scientology counselling tool) was taken away from me and was sold for nothing at an auction as a “lie detector”. Funny now that I look back.
These are just physical things anyway and can be replaced. But some items have huge sentimental value to me and I have cried my share of tears for the losses.
Especially the loss of my Yamaha Cornet. I was so proud when my father gave it to me. My first own instrument. He played the trumpet as well when he was a kid. And I planned to give this Cornet to my future kids. I had it for 25 years, now it’s gone. Sold at an auction for nothing. My father died of cancer last year, this was a precious gift and memory of him. I would do much to get it back.
STAY CLEAR OF SOCIOPATHS AND CULTS
My sociopath often joked about how he had drowned his ex-girlfriends in the pond outside his house and buried them in his basement. Only a sick person is making such “jokes”.
More on his craziness in this article: A deadly cocktail: Scientologi, Psykopati og Ekstremisme. (It’s written in Norwegian, use Google Translate.) The fact that the Church of Scientology is protecting monsters like that again proves they are nothing but a cult.
I was solvent and successful with a promising education and career but I left with nothing but huge debts and a broken soul.
SHARE THIS KNOWLEDGE
I pray and hope people will educate themselves and avoid getting abused and deceived by emotional vampires and manipulative cults. Please share this article if you know anyone who this information might be of help. Knowledge is the first step out.
Here are some educational videos. Visit the website of Donna Andersen, LoveFraud.com, for further resources:
One of the most important warning signs that you may be involved with a sociopath: They always blames other people for their problems.
Most people assume that a sociopath is a serial killer, a murderer, or at least violent. After all, that’s what we hear on television – on crime shows, reality shows and even news programs. The truth: Not all sociopaths are violent, and most of them never kill anyone.
But they kill your soul.